Russian Woman Online: Losing Her, or Not? Calls, Emails, Instant Messenger Chats

“Where Have All the Young Girls Gone?” Another time you lose connection corresponding or communicating with your Russian (East European) Web date, love or bride, – check this. It may be “nothing personal” or a “personal nothing“.

• SHORT-TERM ABSENCE

The Digital Divide: Sit Back – No Setback

First thing to remember: Software Can Suck; Hardware Can Suck; Internet providers, cell phone operators suck; and when they can, they would – especially in Eastern Europe. Even most computer-savvy Russian girls online experience technical problems frequently… and face much man / woman misunderstanding caused by trifle bugs and differences.

How does a “Russian” woman communicate online?

Find it out by her activity hours (meaning HER time zone). But never write “She’s too Web active” or “She’s too scarce online” on your red flags.

Evening / Night:

Rare Russian beauties visit chats, send email or instant messages from home.

Internet is generally far from epidemic here – especially with women (the older, the less technology-minded; most active are young capital-city chicks, students and socialites). This is even more true for women from Ukraine, and still more true for the remaining former Soviet Union (yet the Baltic States a bit ahead).

Many home Internet users go online occasionally, prevalently for checking emails. For this purpose, they may find prepayment vouchers & phonecable dialup sufficient. The quality of such connection is shabby below any criticism.

On the other hand, those who got so “wired” into the modern level of information and technology that they can’t do without access from home, – are offered, and can afford, to enjoy cable lines or radio access / wi-fi. My American friend, a competent traveler, told me that Ukraine’s level of telecoms is state-of-the-art above the US average, due to the scarcity of land phone lines. And illustrated this observation with a story of his pal having met a fine Ukrainian lady – a small-city top-notch medical – due to her home internet, so fast that it initially raised suspicion.

When I found my body spending too much time at the office in order to let my mind wander in the Web, I got high-speed connection by the cable TV service, with lavish traffic quota worth $10 per month (there are prices twice lower and twice higher). But even this firm, ranking among the best in the industry, fails me several times a night!

Thus, if your Eastern Web mate goes offline without ever saying good bye, all chances are that it’s accounted to a mere connection error (which is quite a common nuisance overseas that the girl might never find worth commenting). Or to the sudden lapse of service she’s paid for. Or, top frequently, to her own computer’s bugs (regards to Mr Gates & Russian software pirates).

If you have never faced this problem chatting nights away with Russian girls so far (considering time zone difference), a word of praise can be also given to the industry of local public Web cafés.

Conclusion: don’t fret, her hourly resets would keep it really “many happy returns on a day” – so check her online status often.

If an interruption lasts long enough to make you anxious about her attitude, don’t let it steal confidence from your offline message or email, – unless you realize you might have told her something wrong, or a miscommunication could have occured (luckily you have the Language & Cultural Barrier to shift some blame on). Otherwise, a courteous reassertion of your interest and pleasure taken talking with her, is just all right.

Daytime:

Here we have a marriage of romantic dreams and business responsibilities.

Smart, fluent English speaking Eastern European women (as well as brides with skills in other foreign languages good enough to communicate) tend to work at offices, behind computers. Sure companies frown on private use of corporate connection to the Internet, but instant messengers like MSN, Yahoo! and predominantly ICQ are overlooked by Russian / Ukrainian bosses and endeared by their beautiful young employees, aged from -20 and 20+ to -30 and 30+ years.

So, your typical Russian Web bride’s activity on dating sites depends on how stringent are the system administration, Internet traffic limits, and work environment at a company she works for. (No wonder, then, if your emails rest unread until she drifts in a Web café another weekend.) But she would likely be keeping a chat messenger online for any pause in her routine (or even while she IS into routine), – just for the case she or her friends would like to share some thoughts, arrangements, or bits of humor / news / moods / attitudes / encouragement / romantic feelings / daily human love, AND for the case some [really interesting] enigmatic stranger finds and entertains her, or (why not) turns to be The One (as dream and hope are always there).

(Worth noticing is that instant messenging service is more efficient for keeping up communication with a woman from an online dating site rather then for finding one. Still, search by messenger user databases has its own advantages and success tips to mention, in another post.)

Now there’s an answer to the top question: “How serious is she?”

She Is At Work. She’s loving it or hating it, with a vast scale of grays between these two extremes, wherebetween even one single girl may slide, throughout her day. AND, deep inside her heart she wants to meet a good man (otherwise she won’t have made herself available for acquaintance). What mood is winning her attention: diligence or romance, – depends on 3 factors: (1) how busy she is, (2) how interesting you sound, and (3) how fulfilled she finds herself with what she’s doing (on her career and private path as well). Here we approach “Why #2″ by summing up “Why #1″ with a

Conclusion: Mr Wrong says, “Do you want to talk to me?” and Mr Right says, “Have you got some time to talk?”

Don’t take it personally if you see the “User Russian-Lady Online” icon, drop a line and there is no reply. She may be running errands, talking to her boss or client, answering the phone, having a coffee break, writing a document, or too absorbed into market analyses, amended laws, relationship advise, veterinary clinics or fashion sales she’s browsing for. So her silence might well mean “not being here” (but why miss any news), “not seeing your activity” (a whim of software), or “too busy for intensive chatting” (yet still eager to exchange messages every 10-15 minutes… drives you crazy when chatting with one girl but lets you keep in contact with many at the time).

Also make allowance that lack of foreign language experience makes communication slower, and her typing speed is different from yours.

Now imagine how could she explain this entire situation every time you find it odd! )

• LONG-TERM ABSENCE

The Bird in the Bush, Tamagochi Syndrom, and Mariner’s Wife

However important you are as a person and Her Potential Husband, you’re a “virtual” creation, sort of “Tamagochi” inside a computer, until you establish a meaningful personal relationship with her face-to-face. And all those “trifles” in her life are “real”, because they are already there, have been there, and affect her immediate future. Which is to come regardless of how your communication develops.

She isn’t sure if you arrive at all, – in self-protection of her heart and nerves. And, as we have established, Internet scarcely makes an essential part of her life. Thus, countless are reasons that can keep her offline for time unpredictable.

But there’s a bigger riddle about Russian women, online or offline, that persists even into real-life relationships.

Michael: In communicating with Russian women in general I have found that they will spend huge amounts of time with me in the beginning, like 12 hour days spent together 3 times a week, affectionate and talking about everything, then I won’t hear from them for a week at a time. One example, two weeks went by before she contacted me again. Is this typical that they go days without staying in touch? Are Russian women always this independant?

I know we are all busy in life, but it seems strange to me to go so long without a call or email. Especially when they tell me “all is well in the relationship”.

A new acquaintance always boosts interest, especially if one or both are fresh at the fair. One may easily “submerge” into communication to the abandonment of other things to do (work, routine, friends, studies, sports etc.), but those eventually claim attention, for a good deal of time.

Other reasons for a break may be:

- depletion of topics to discuss (hopefully temporary but alas not always);

- a desire to take a deep breath (according to the normal active / passive cyclic nature of life’s processes), to shake down impressions and emotions, to listen to one’s reason and the “inner voice”;

- some tiredness of each other (it happens, – especially when the connection is new, distance-only and no solid bonds are yet formed; or after being together densely);

- preventive absenteeism, to make a heart grow fonder (very Russian-womanlike);

- communicating with another candidate (please read this memo);

- tiredness of communication at all (for an introvert, two weeks alone are an eyewink).

Russian women are indeed unusually independent. Some, awaredly or even unawaredly, never contact the man first – “either he wants my company, so he will call, or he doesn’t, then why intrude on him”. Some have variable need for socialization and togetherness. Some even quote the proverb that “the best husband is a blind-deaf-numb master mariner”. (This doesn’t always imply adultery: an anchoress type would shun other guys as well.)

When affection is there, it’s hard to resist a desire to communicate, and this is a good sign; but the tide can’t stay high for ever. (Since childhood friendships, mothers forewarn daughters: “So much for today! Don’t you bore each other!”).

It takes a good deal of perception to define if she is really still fond and this is only a pause, or the interest has expired and she just maintains the attitude of courtesy, or “preserves” you as an optional candidate. “All is well” is often said with a voice and expression indicating anything that can make it feel “not so well“.

Remedies?

* Interest in her life, but try not to sound interrogating. Women whom you can qualify as “mysterious”, may perceive courteous curiosity as control and feelings, which they are not yet ready to respond to, and also feel more awkward if unable to explain something.

* Discussing what disturbs you. Regarding differences through a “cultural” excuse relieves them from the shade of criticism.

* Looking for interesting filling of the time spent in contact.

* Overtaking – making HER miss you.

Sincerely,

© Comrade Natalia

(Please share this link with as many fellow men who seek a Russian bride or online date, and let us see how easier finding common language would become.)

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