Here he comes, passionate, intelligent and confident. We chat hours away, and then I see his inner boy. His shining armour is like chocolate’s foil to the teeth of some “bunny girl”. He’s about swording down princesses he takes for witches. Starving for human connection, orphaned from feminine care… And once again I turn Aunt AskNatalia.Ru to help one more soul rather than seek for the soul mate for myself. )
Thus began my e-counseling practice in psychology. Many times I felt blessed with friendship to a missioned professional analyst / therapist / coach lady I mention here and there as Dr. Tamara… as well as with my Ukrainian / Russian origin.
These Men have learnt stabbing their male rivals, juggling with big money, playing chess with the world, – yet feel lost at managing their personal lives. Yes, business and relationships are different disciplines, though not as incomparable as we are taught to think. But indeed, how should one operate in the world where definitions have fused?
“Manly” and “womanly” – “Western” and “Eastern” – “traditional” and “modern” – we are just too much alike… even though so different.
Luckily, Russian Women are seasoned soul-divers. ) Moreover, today’s generation of brides has been learning Men largely by foreign examples of. Which means, checking themselves through the eyes of foreign men – prevalently Western European and American.
How could it be?
The “natural” beauty, within or outside, takes as much effort as growing fruits; so guess what? Those “magic” ladies’ favored reading is psychology. If not professional, then drawn from every bit of news, creative text, or motion picture.
Translated literature has been a gust of fresh spirit in the Former Soviet domain. It has also fostered the genre of self-help here. The book market has begun with timeless European, American and Indian / Asian / East-influenced classics, caught up on primers in surviving the global role shifts, skipped uncanny propaganda, inspired myriads of authentic authors, and is keeping the track of cutting-edge post-materialistic remedies.
For example, John Gray (“Men from Mars, Women from Venus”) and Barbara de Angelis (“Must-Know Secrets” about Men, Women and Life) have been our womenfolk’s first “sensei” on harmonious relations between “real men” and “real women” in their true meanings, now being lost by American Feminists and Russian Babymen.
Books like those also brought good news that there is a culture of aware, open dialogue, and made us long for men of this culture (should I hint, of which one?)
And I will go on spilling my fellow women’s secrets. Because revealing the essentials of what we are and what we want – frankly, with no disapproval feared – lets partners hear each other’s tunes to tango.
Dear reader, I’m here for you.
You can ask me any [relevant] questions through Comments.
As they get into the moderation queue, I’ll be the only one to read them (…well, would you mind Doc Tamara’s kind assistance, if required?..)
If you ask me to reply privately (by email, ICQ or Yahoo! Messenger), or to omit certain details when posting answers, so be it, – otherwise, interesting comments may be published for the benefit of common understanding.
Also, please don’t hesitate to bookmark this blog as a Favorite (bet it would deserve!) and/or share it on the social networks. ;)
Related reference: “My Policy”
“Playboy” Advice & Fake Orgasms, or Is a Russian Woman a Trustworthy Guide to Russian Ladies
Sincerely, Comrade Natalia
October 17, 2006 at 9:41 am
things are different since the last time i’ve been here, nice work. i’ll have to stop by more often.
October 17, 2006 at 10:15 am
Welcome, thank you for appreciation, and sorry for delays! )
December 3, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Ms. Natalia;
In a recent post on a well known blog to you and I, a gentleman made a comment of the percentage of Russian/ Ukraine women that actually make the journey to America or Canada. Do you have such information?
I understand no one wishes to leave behind all they have known their entire lives, but I have noticed many that begin to speak of coming to be with me or someone else, then when they time seems pending change their minds suddenly. Please give your thoughts, knowledge and perspective.
Thank you.
:)
Canajun
December 6, 2006 at 10:31 am
That’s a very serious topic, Why They Leave and Why They Linger, and what can matter more – the Men Met or the rest of people, countries and lifestyles. Dealing with numbers, we should think the individuals we’re concerned about. A discourse on these issues is on my writing agenda.
Since I never know to what direction would the whimsical Muse lead my pen another moment, I just invite you to keep track of updates. )
December 12, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Just an occasional figure.
Every 5th marriage registered in Kiev in 2006 is to a husband of foreign citizenship.
January 21, 2007 at 2:39 am
Natalie~
Is it customary for the man to ask for her parent’s blessing before proposing to a Russian girl? I was planning on doing it regardless, but I’ve heard that it is not commonly done.
This ring is burning a hole in my pocket, but I have yet to ask for her family’s blessing…
January 22, 2007 at 11:44 am
Dear Will,
it’s been long that young couples FIRST decide between themselves, THEN challenge their parents for blessing. )
A. If you want to please your sweetheart and yourself, propose to her in the most romantic movie’able American style (I don’t say “stereotyped”, – the more personality and invention, the better!).
B. If you want to please her parents, visit their home with flowers, cake and champagne (or good red wine, – depends on their individual preferences; may be fine brandy, with special regard for the Father…), deliver an Ask-for-the-Honor-of-Your-Daughter’s-Hand-&-Heart speech, and be ready to stand a little “final exam”.
Naturally, Plan A is no impediment to Plan B, and Natalia’s advice is to implement both consequently!
From what you mentioned about your affiliation with their home, Plan B is not going to be a “snowfall on the heads” (a Russian idiom for “from the blue”) to the honourable Parents. Still, it would be better if Katya informs them in advance of the event (for them to get accustomed to the changes coming, and for all – to think around practical, as well as symbolical matters of the unionmaking), and even helps to set the exact date of your proposal to the “Grand Jury” (so that they could prepare for a celebration of Consent & Blessing in no haphazard way).
My best wishes!
May 13, 2007 at 2:50 pm
I have a question about the culture of Russian women and sex.
I can tell you by experience, that in Canada, many women have a large appetite for sex. This desire generally begins to peak somewhere between 32 and 40–when they are more desirous of sex than a combined group of teenaged boys.
A man can generally find a woman who is willing to do whatever he wants sexually here. It’s a little like a sex store. You open the door and say what you want, and you can get whatever this is. But there will not often be deception.
There is the famous monogamous Canadian girl. These kind will NEVER break their word. But generally the prerequisite is love. But without love these kind of girls usually proceed in their lives in serial monogamy. I would say that the vast majority of Canadian girls fit into the monogamous type. It is our primary sexual culture to be serial monogamous partners. We are mutually exclusive in our relationships in most cases.
But even here, a whore is a whore is a whore. And this type rarely changes. In love, out of love, in marriage, out of marriage. I won’t explain the various whore types. When I use the word whore I speak about a girl who has little spiritual need to be exclusively bonded to any man. A smile and brother she’s yours. However, she is also his and his and his. So, if she does it easily with you without love, then chances are she’s the whore type.
So, this is the preamble to my question about Russian women and their sexual philosophy regarding monogamy and exclusivity. From what I understand so far it seems to be true that many Russian women are not so prone to being 100% loyal. I would say that certainly the men are well-known for being serial polygamous. In other words, they will sleep with whoever they can or want to and expect their girl or wife to simply understand that he will be this way.
So, because most Russian men are not sexually exclusive in their relationships or marriages, these men are therefore having sex with someone. And that means, that these “someones” are going to include the girls of other men as well as those who have no man who loves them. The lonely, for example.
I know just about every social sign for both girls and men regarding how they live their personal lives. I can know if a man or a girl is easy to have sex in a few minutes. I can recognize a “player” or a whore. It is difficult not to see, especially in our very open culture. Very often what you see is what you get.
Now, I ask you, what are the signs which a man can know which can tell him if his girl is the virginal-never-would-betray type or the whore who he must always be on guard for infidelity.
I want a Soviet girl to spill the secrets about Russian women regarding their opinion about fidelity and love and sex. It is often difficult for most men to comprehend that women can desire sex more than him. He is reminded of his own desires a few hundred times every day and when he wakes up.
But most Russian girls try to hide their sexual desires when those desires include either being disloyal at a distance or in a serious emotional relationship.
For many men in long distance relationships they are very easy to fool in this issue. “Oh my man I love you.” And then later that Friday night she will be screwing all night long with the butcher.
Men and women can either wait in loyalty or they cannot.
I read your comment that the great fear of many Soviet girls is to learn that her man is screwing other women.
But how can a Western man know if he has a serial monogamous or polygamous type of girl?
From what I understand, Russian culture is the unspoken culture. People have sex without speaking about it, when it is outside of their primary relationship. And when this sex involves a girl or man in a relationship, the Russian code is to never mention it. But most assume that a man will have others, if he can or is desirable.
In Canada, if women want many different men; then most will simply be very open about it. They will not try to keep a man in a sexually exclusive agreement while they have many men.
So, Canadian girls are, in most cases, extremely honest about what they want and what they will give regarding loyalty or not loyalty.
In other words, we feel no embarrassment in admitting that we want to “date” many. And if we want only one and say this then you can nearly bet your life that she will truly want a loyal relationship. There is no social stigma for a man or a girl to enjoy sexual pleasure either inside of or outside of a serious relationship. It is simply for each to decide if this pleasure will be with the many of the one.
Therefore there is not so much deceit. A man or a girl don’t have to be a genius to know if she is a virginal or awhore type.
In the Russian culture, from my knowledge so far, it wins the gold medal for deception and deceit. Both the men and the girls.
I imagine that Russian men can know if he speaks with a loyal type or a whore type, by experience and subtle signs.
So, my two primary questions are what are the general Russian signs that “this” girl or “that” girl is inherently loyal or a whore? Both at a distance and in person?
I’ll finish by saying that I know a Russian woman who is married to an American. At a distance, she feel in love with a different American man. While she waited for him, he caught her infidelities. In only a few months of waiting for him to take care of the whole Visa thing, she had 4 or 5 men for sex. He stopped with her. But she continues to love him. I know it for a fact. Odd, the love of a whore. The having their cake and eating it too syndrome.
Her current husband and she have a difficult relationship. They have their problems and have sex only about once a month with each other. Notice I said “with each other”? He works himself into exhaustion. And while he works himself into exhaustion at his job, she is literally screwing her ass off with her latest lover. In their 18 months in America together she has had about 6 such lovers… so far.
He simply thinks that they are going through a difficult time. He knows she has no driver’s licence and no car. So, he has no idea that she is so sexually active.
A case in point is my point. She was a whore type before he met her, while he went back and forth in his Russian visits, and now when they are married. This Russian woman seems to have as much of an overwhelming need for “f***” as she does for deceit. And this has always been her way, her appetite. Put plainly, she loves to “get off” and nothing in her conscience will stop her.
Now I also know for a fact, that based on my experience here, that I could have hundreds of such girls in Russia.
I recently read a story from a Russian man. He generally has sex with about 40 or so different women every year. He is not at this time either married or interested in becoming married.
His partners include, mother, daughter [at different times of course], married, single, in love, not in love. And he calls himself a not so special or attractive man. Just ordinary.
It seems to me that there are many sex starved girls and women in Russia. And they also are starved, in many cases, for any desire to be open and honest about their sexual behaviour. They seem to be like my Russian American friend, who really loves both sex and deceit.
There are always the loyal and disloyal in every culture. And each culture has their signs.
So, there it is. My challenge to an honest assessment of Russian girls and how they present their behaviour and how to know if they are lying. They seem to know much more about deceit than Canadain girls.
I have no problem myself telling any girl if I am wanting one or many. No problem. What? So I am afraid to say? This is not my culture.
But deceit… aw, but I must learn about this strange concept from the world experts.
May 15, 2007 at 5:09 pm
“It’s a little like a sex store. You open the door and say what you want, and you can get whatever this is. But there will not often be deception”
Things are turning this way here, too, with Internet incorporating into the Former Soviet life. People recognize that it’s easier to be frank and sort out respondents by the criterion of actual intentions, “serious” or “fun”, than spend time in guesses, misinterpretations and acting what might not be needed.
Still, the set ways of “natural” romances are in force even online, and prevail offline. Tradition tells to seek romantic entourage to the sexual motive (no one wants to look a “sex consumer” or a “short-term disposable item”); common fashion tells to “take it easy”. Thus, one can meet skilfully modest screwarounds, selective easy-goers, and obnoxious seekers of eternal love.
Additionally, in order to hold the man, a woman usually has to suggest the you-can-lose-me message by keeping jealousy embering. The ways may range: from being as beautiful, friendly, energetic and busy as she can be rather than keep lower profile, – and to deliberate self-positioning as “wild and free” and unaccountable. In the last case, many women actually profess promiscuity, for fashion, nature or both. Still more are playing games with the guy’s hunter & competitor instincts, even if it means faking the existence of other admirers. BUT. Fire is fire. Even if he promotes bare sex, free love or swinging, and rejects the double standards deeply rooted in the society, – his possessive side and natural squeamishness are always there, ready to reject a “non-virgin = whore” at any time.
“Because most Russian men are not sexually exclusive in their relationships or marriages, these men are therefore having sex with someone”
In the FSU, there’s a huge percentage of women who aspire to settle their family lives, even with whomever, or even at the cost of the previously luckier wives and girlfriends of desirable men. (Keep in mind that there is less desirable men than desirable women here.) Some mistresses have such low self-esteem as if they didn’t dare wait for a man who’d love only them. For such women it’s easiest to delude themselves into the stale tales about the loverman’s “comatose marriage without sex and understanding”.
“…if she does it easily with you without love, then chances are she’s the whore type…”
Far from certain. Post-Soviet girls know the following street wisdoms (I say, street not spiritual):
- In Oh These Men, lust comes first, love may evolve next (“preserving virginity is easy to succeed in up to the funeral”, “men use love to get sex – women use sex to get love”, “sometimes sex is the most efficient way to find out if you should have ever made acquaintance with the person”). If he looks or sounds in love, his fidelity is presumed, though rather not spoken about (“the surest way to ruin relationships is to have them out”). Molesting him with doyouloveme’s and ifyouhavesomeoneelse’s is a taboo boo.
He would anyway swear “only you” unless (until!) he decides to quit with or without a warning. Because we spell “Russian menfolk” and read “obligatiophobia”. (So women learn to “keep this hairy beast on the long leash”). Nevertheless, few men declare their polygamy to their mates, because it’s a rare woman that can live with it, still harder when she knows he knows she knows about the other(s). So, the guys do cheating as it literally is.
- If you find out that he is by any measure not yours only, compete for him to become The One, or drop him. Better before he drops you. Still better if you’ve reserved an emergency landing ground.
- You have a right to use hot guys premaritally merely as “bo[d]yfriends” or escapades without heating up your heart and inventing names for your future children. (Hey, it doesn’t straightway mean tons of screws. It can be one romantic night or one exclusive month a year… even not each year, or rare times with one and the same person.) The old credo “die but never give a kiss without love” is a rule no more. He may never ever count on the tie-in of your love. He may be good for fun without qualifying for a husband, as you find out sooner or later. Normally, it takes shape of serial monogamy. But… No obligations => no betrayal.
“The having their cake and eating it too syndrome…”
From Russian female perspective, it is obtuse to compare the aforesaid situations to the Great-Built-In-Unkilled-Sacred-Crystal-Shining-Dream-of-Real-Mindblowing-Love-and-Bulletproof-Marriage-to-the-Man-of-Your-Life; childish – to regard a date as a husband before he is (“he promised doesn’t mean he married” is a Russian proverb expanded over any promise); quite common – to grow into love slowly whereas the partner has splashed into it; and universally unjust yet only for the strong to resist – to have to cling at a shoulder without actually being one flesh and blood.
It’s not the same cake. More like consuming bread-and-water or enjoying cakes in want of total and balanced mind-soul-body-nourishing staff of life.
Many women compromise this dream to the lifetime staple meal ticket, though. (I don’t mean materialism: one can measure any values in “wooden nickels”). Quite usually they even observe the price of homage and high-fidelity service, and follow the Japanese wisdom “if you don’t have what you like, learn to like what you have“. Others fail to endure dissatisfaction.
I just remember one advanced Canadian man preaching: “how can you dummies be surprised if he/she goes out for the happiness unreceived in your bed?” Same things with emotional dissatisfaction, mental & spiritual differences and lack of understanding in a couple. These alone can make a woman layable by the man who can stroke her personal strings, and these determine if she would give way to the sexual dissatisfaction. Language and cultural barriers, and dull life barren of variety and accomplishment (doesn’t matter if she’s a clubber or a housewife, the point is that she can’t entertain herself or feel important unless through men’s efforts) are definite risk factors here.
I touched upon this here, in case there are readers who’ve missed it.
As for individual “signs of predisposition to infidelity” and “detecting lies”…
Social / family background, and occupation can often be predictive (though there is never black and white, – remember the Cross analogy). But, oh, the ensuing “signs” may be easy to identify with a [fellow country] woman’s eye and ear, even when hinted at, but impossible to convey to a [foreign] man. It takes absolute familiarity with authentic phonetics, lexics, manners (in their relation to the entire variety of social subgroups), even with physiognomics and mimics. And even so, one also needs to have the sensitivity and experience of a professional therapist.
For this reason, our dating agency shall put everyone through personal screening before admission to the database.
(Dr. Tamara, our expert, has got an especially merciless eye for “butcher’s gals”. ))
Sorry for giving so little info and activity so far: busy time!
May 28, 2007 at 4:19 pm
““how can you dummies be surprised if he/she goes out for the happiness unreceived in your bed?”…
Same things with emotional dissatisfaction, mental & spiritual differences and lack of understanding in a couple.”
Yes, I totally agree. “Feed her heart or her other parts will feed someone else.”
“You have a right to use hot guys premaritally merely as “bo[d]yfriends” or escapades without heating up your heart and inventing names for your future children.”
The difference here is that “hot” guys are “always” in high demand by the single, the engaged, the married, the separated. Women here in big cities are extremely sexually demanding. Interesting, considering that most of them are as exciting as porridge. And if she truly is herself “hot” then she will demand to know sexual satisfaction. And these kind have a very limited patience for enduring sexual frustration.
I have heard a wise girl explain that the more highly sexed the girl, the more willing she is to bed as many as possible until she finds her “true love” and that she will never be loyal until she achieves sexual Utopia. And I would agree.
But when she perceives herself as having a much more high libido than most, she can be surprised when she “eyes” her finest choice, and she is not satisfying enough for him. Especially when her own experiences haved fawned and pleaded with her incessantly to be their one and only. Life has its ironies.
It is becoming increasingly recognized that there are both men and girls whose libido’s are too challenging for most of the population. And all such men are known as players and the girls as whores, by their rejected lovers.
Your comments refer to a more stylish way of expressing sexual demands in polite society. And this is also true here as well.
The “tacit” comments usually can be reduced to “somebody please get me off” for most girls who are without sexual satisfaction. And, “Somebody freakin’ get me off until my body aches from too much pleasure or I will have to kill my next boring lover!” for those with the most high of all possible libido’s.
So, if I’m correct in deducing your general comments, it is correct to say that there are no common “open-but-committed” relationships? And this is a fundamental difference between the West and Eurasia when this is true.
Some people simply are tired of either not truly being satisfied or honestly assess that they will never desire only one. And these find happiness in the open lifestyle. Not having to say no to someone who appears like they can satisfy them and no recriminations for pursuing their genuine sexual interests are some of the fundamental reasons for open relationships. It is also a consequence of a much less determined culture to find traditional bliss.
“You have a right to use hot guys premaritally merely as “bo[d]yfriends” or escapades without heating up your heart and inventing names for your future children.”
Those who prefer open relationships, consider sexcapades as their divine right irrespective of their marital status. In other words, they are loathe to imagine that they must go through life not knowing the bliss of their most treasured physical desires or to endure sexual frustration in exchange for a stable relationship.
Although this type is not the most common, far from it, it is also not entirely rare either.
But again, the issue is wilful deception amd not “good girl, bad girl” here.
“Additionally, in order to hold the man, a woman usually has to suggest the you-can-lose-me message by keeping jealousy embering. The ways may range: from being as beautiful, friendly, energetic and busy as she can be rather than keep lower profile, – and to deliberate self-positioning as “wild and free” and unaccountable.”
God yes, Natalia! Where were you a few years ago? And when this subtle and not-so-subtle game is played with too much enthusiasm; then, why are these same girls surprised with accusations of infidelity? Silly little girl games, which can definitely amount to playing with fire.
For example, girl passionately loves her man. She does the whole jealousy game. Man perceives that she probably is and reacts by bedding whoever, whenever. She senses the deception, accuses him. He boldly admits. End of relationship. Silly girls games, saved only by a more strong and experienced Western man. Pray he is determined to not act until the proof is irrefutable, or watch the relationship ashes blow in the wind.
Eurasian girls should do more learning of our Western ways. If they did; then, they would understand that when girls here intimate that they were yesterday behind door number two, but are only feigning it as a way to “hold his undivided interest”; then today he is quite possibly behind his doors number two, three and four. Again the whole gaming and deception cultural difference can be such an irritation. Silly little girl games, which most often don’t translate here. Just lead to broken relationships.
We are much more direct and literal in both our desires and our actual level of happiness within the relationship. Generally speaking. This does not mean that it does not happen at all. But deception is perceived mostly as nonsense. Why deceive when you simply can have whatever you want without recrimination as long as you’re boldly honest?
Western rural/village life seems much more reminiscent of Russian culture than big city life here.
Possibly South Americans, also known for traditional values, are more open about sexual requirements within a committed relationship.
“Let’s talk about it after we see how we are this way.” Another kind of Russian(and universal) self-deception of girls who want to imagine that they can hold a hot man with the depth of their love, in spite of a much less spectacular ability to be his dream lover. In other words, bore me to tears and force me to hurt you when I go out the door.
Deception and self-deception and people wanting what they cannot have.
May 29, 2007 at 10:21 am
Open unions and swinging do occur here. Few of them even last considerably long.
This week I’m visiting a huge birthday party; the only thing that mars my festive mood is the prospect of meeting one married couple among the guests. They are good-looking, appear 40-something, though may be a bit over 50. He is a doctor, head of a famous institute / clinic. She is a manager of top class travels, very energetic, entertaining and perky. During the banquet he would offer all courtesies, from plate to driving service and as far as promoting my visa interests, and pest me with speculations from “a woman’s beauty is her duty to the society” to “you won’t have children by your one-only till you let in a resetter”, – and she would grill me with jealousy from any angle and distance…
Still less ugly than widespread anxiety to have one-side-open relationships… ;)
May 29, 2007 at 4:36 pm
“Open unions and swinging do occur here. Few of them even last considerably long.”
So interesting a question from both a biological and social point of view. It is said that men are naturally polygamous and women naturally monogamous. And this argument is made within the context of genetic survival, where men need to multiple their seed and women need a dedicated father for the huge task of successful childrearing.
And herein is the 10-15% phenomonon. Some women are seemingly inexplicably and subconsciously motivated to impregnation with a highly desireable male, who they know many other females will also want, and then go home to their “good provider” who is possibly as desireable as porridge to most girls.
The girl gets a more desired child and thereby ensures her own genetic survival, through this more desired child.
There is even a popular song by the Western group “Heart” which speaks of a girl’s plea to Mr. Desireable to accept that her hubby can’t get her “started/pregnant” and that he must simply accept to be with her with no further claims to this child.
From a strictly Western point of view, which is nearly entirely and exclusively physical, I understand the frustration.
However, we are much more than skin and bones. And any real girl can confirm this in her own love preferences.
As Westerners we very much need to recognize our own lack of sexual wisdom and adopt nearly universally the already developed solution—incredible pleasure aligned with incredible emotional depth. Enter Tantra, Taoism, Babylonian and Shamanism.
They are the salvation of all highly sexed individuals. With the proviso that neither has either physical or emotional problems which allow this kind of intimacy.
It is interesting that the more that a couple bonds in this way, the less that any Western “option” to their sexual monogamy call offer any reasonable threat. It becomes better and better and better. So why bother?
People will also do what they want anyway. But my point is that many fewer would even want to the complications of a many-sided bed when they learn how to have intensely pleasureable and loving bonded sex. Disease is another practical reason to reconsider the “player and the whore” syndrome.
So, Natalia gets “hit on” by Dr. Love while his wife looks on helplessly? Interesting that he has not yet learned how to be a real man but he can pretend that Mr. Fine should mate with Miss Beautiful.
He is in our popular vernacular a punk. Tiny little boy in his tiny little character.
If he was a real man he would exit the wife without breaking his bond of marriage; then, approach you as his true desired and beloved. People have real hearts which bleed real blood. And if a man cannot learn this lesson then life will then teach him. There are no invisible energies in the “all”, the universe of God. And this creation loves balance.
So idiot arrogant S.O.B. steps on his helpless wife’s heart and in time some indifferent girls step on his.
What? He did not understand his marriage vows when he recited them? Moron.
More cowardly deception.
If a man or a girl doesn’t truly want the package, then don’t sign for it. Regardless of the reason.
And germane to this post, we again return to “what are you looking for”? And without more openness and transparency the hurt and stress continues. Yes, there are stylish ways to learn what must be learned.
An interesting exercise is to ask a beloved to write a complete explanation as to how they define marriage before the event. Then get them to sign it before they sign the other artificial paper.
If I was at your dinner party, seeing this arrogant display, I would make a beeline to his wife and be very open about my interest in her. Chances are he would not know how to reply to a real man. Putz. Punk.
God bring his wife a real man who will be treasured, adored and passionately loved for the first time.
Thank you for you honest replies Natalia.
All Soviet girls are as my sister. The best deserve the best. So, my prayer naturally applies to your own sweet heart.
All the best.
May 30, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Well said! But this was an example of “open marriage”. Literally, “taking a holiday from his wife without breaking his bond of marriage” and likewise without any big devotion to a new woman. Opposite to the idea “real men first divorce, then remarry”. The most spectacular part of this “circus” is that Mrs Doctor has been known by her proclaimed Tolerance to Man’s Little Deflections So Far That He Doesn’t Leave, Satisfies, Provides, Protects, Approves and Pampers the Wife. And the crowning criterion of this position is, “Let him, only if I don’t know.” Self-deceit. A loving heart can sense when the other’s love is tapped. Even harem women suffer, regardless of the culture…
May 31, 2007 at 1:34 am
Context. Always context. Why?
Once again to quote myself whenever I’m feeling omnipotent I simply repeat, ” People have real hearts which bleed real blood. And if a man cannot learn this lesson then life will then teach him.”
Again, he is married to boost his own tiny character. So he did not read the part about “cleave only unto you”, “love, honour and cherish”?
When I speak about open relationships I never accept this within the context of a deeply spiritual union, marriage or no marriage. There are people who are simply pleasure companions who love physical bonding more than emotional. And these open relationships should never marry. It is simply a mockery. I am not saying that they should not have sex with whomever they want when it is open and transparent with their companion. But there is simply no need to marry.
I am aware of men here and in Russia, as well as some women but not so many, who love the idea of one female being entirely dedicated to them, while they have their cake and eat it too. And this is wrong. It is so wrong. Her heart bleeds when she knows that he is with another. It can even wound her soul deep.
The are real consequences to the breaking of bonds, agreements and hearts. It is sheer arrogance to believe otherwise. I have seen it myself in my own life.
Whatever is done, one must first and always ask, “Would I like it if she(he) did this to me? Would what I’m doing hurt me if she(he) did this exact same thing? If I was totally dependent on her how deeply would be felt the pain when I could not respond to the scorn of my self-respect?”
I do not pretend to be perfect. But I have learned to respect consequences enough to demand that I never knowingly or maliciously hurt another… or some unsuspecting day I will feel this exact same hurt.
I have no problem telling any girl that I am not wanting an exclusive, emotionally intimate relationship when this is what I truly want. The worst is to allow a girl to “go off the deep end” only to learn that last week I was with two others while her heart flew with divine love for me. So, I don’t do it, and I refuse to do it.
And by agreeing to marriage, Dr. StrangeLove has seriously hurt this most sweet creature who gave him, her heart. I cannot know all of his reasons or how they are together. But this man have a warped idea of his character when he does not yet directly see how it feels when a real man seeks his wife, directly and openly as he does.
I am sad for both of them. For her because she is so tortured by his callousness. For him, because he so makes himself small in the world of real men.
And in my opinion he is not even a real man. Just a boy.
To inspire in another, love, is possibly the greatest gift of two adults. And to mock this gift only creates very hard lessons for the callous.
“A loving heart can sense when the other’s love is tapped. Even harem women suffer, regardless of the culture…” … My dear, you have lived a very long time in your still very short life. Or, you are a very longtime soul.
Yes, even such harem girls. Why? Because even an artificial setting does not circumvent the real within us. Real girls are in this unreal harem. And all of them still bleed. All of them. Even those in serious self-denial, or is it self-preservation?
My advice to all real men who live in such an environment, is to not sign anything until they are really, really sure of her, of their love, of their ability to remain constantly loyal, of the type of life which both commit to in detail, and after having answered every important emotional and sexual fantasy which unanswered could otherwise haunt their marriage. Don’t sign until you’re really, really ready. I think that most girls understand most of this already. For those who don’t, also don’t sign.
The agreement can be artificial as well as another created between them. Or simply the created agreement.
Love is not for free. It is the most priceless part of our lives. And it would be most helpful if men learned to respect both love and marriage(emotional union in an exclusively committed relationship). These girls they hurt are some other man’s and woman’s daughter. Just like their own beloved little girl. Why don’t they see this?
If Soviet girls all run as deep as you; then I made the right decision to relocate there.
So, many girls who simply want to be truly loved, adored and cared for. And all I need is one with a, you guessed it, a very high libido. lol Well, I did say truly loved, adored, and cared for, didn’t I? lol
Thanks again for your remarkable insights and amazing energy and respect in your thoughtful replies.
All the men love you. But you already know, yes?
Take care.