Happy & Friendly ! ? Russian Ladies’ “Keep-the-Face” mentality

3 Key Rules of Russian Girls: Be Nice. Be Nice to Men. Be Nice to Strangers. No hypocrisy, - an attitude. Still more care and caution you should take, dealing with these beautiful Eastern women who smile so peacefully.

Easy-going, helpful, interested, kind and hearty? Naturally.

Fond and yielding? Stop and think…

Some Russian words embrace a host of English meanings. What Western men perceive as Modest (of chastity), Russian women hold as Composed (of dignity) and Discreet (of wisdom).

So, “the owls are not what they seem”. Humble as she may appear to a careless glance, a Russian Woman has vast wants and needs, only contained. Why does she keep them silent? She is as optimistic as to expect her aspirations to be known and satisfied without her announcing them, - and as pessimistic as to presume (primarily from “our poor womenfolk’s” common convictions), that nobody’s going to make her dreams come true.

This manner makes her a walking therapy as long as her Man does his best to guess and cater for her wishes, and a ticking bomb if taken for granted (which are two consecutive stages of a traditional Russian marriage, invisible to guests yet dramatized to friends & relatives).

• The Sunny Side: “Deep Water Runs Calm”

Due to the general living conditions and social stereotypes, a Russian woman’s self-esteem is made of assurance of her worth, with regular hesitancy over its appreciation. This results in Russian Ladies’ special “code of behavior”.

1. “A Russian Lady Doesn’t Brag” – “because it’s charmless”.

In Russian culture, a habitual reply to compliments (which term may stand for any praise, even deserved) is Self-Belittlement (through objecting, comparing, explaining or justifying). The extent of actual confidence is displayed by the tone (from scared to careless). This Soviet tradition is gradually substituted with serene expressions of gratitude, by word or by smile. Something like “You-bet!” also can be said, with obvious self-irony and shared pleasure.

For that first tradition, Anna Kournikova said she’s just an ordinary girl (being actually a person of world’s boosted ego), - and not only for the sensible recognition of her nation’s advanced beauty standards.

This is why Really Beautiful Russian Women react with such confusion and joy to Western Men’s admiration. What makes the girls wonder is the degree and childlike manner of this admiration, - whereas they are sure there is as much beauty in the rest of the world they prevalently observe through the cinema and media. One thing is to have heard of some situation happening elsewhere, quite another is to perceive it in immediate reality.

Russian Women are extremely self-critical. What it implies is not inferiority, but higher standards. If she says she’s looking “horrible”, it means apology for looking not as gorgeous as she can be, and seeking to be reassured that she’s still lovable and loved (or endearing and approved – in respect to strangers). “Agreeable appearance” means indeed attractive, and “a couple extra kilos” you would hardly ever notice.

Does a Russian woman show off? Yes she does. It’s either a spontaneous motion of her merry grace, or a neglected pleaser’s reminder. Either way, her message is: “Do notice, dear silly! It’s all for you [ that I dress up, take care of my beauty, cook that yum, decorate the house, sing, glow sexiness, get people’s likes, learn something new, make that deal or win that case ] so you can take more pride and joy in me!”

Conclusion? She DOES need praise like flowers need water, and the more she rejects it, the thirstier she actually is! The main point is to praise from the bottom of your heart, not “just to please”, – spontaneously, creatively (not necessarily by words), and adequately. Most Russian Women are Living Emotion Scanners, and take serious offense if flattered bluntly.

2. “A Russian Lady Doesn’t Solicit” – “to have the good done on its own”.

* “Don’t ever ask for anything. Never and nothing. Especially from those who exceed you by power. On their own they will offer you all, and they will give you all, on their own. Be seated, you proud woman!” – Mikhail Bulgakov, “Master and Margarita” (transl.-N.O.)

Bulgakov’s Margarita, being a misfortuned side-offspring of kings (unaware of her royalty), had dealt with “Mephistopheles” (Voland), yet refrained from asking him to give her what she had come for – and he fulfilled her due will, without claiming her soul. The above abstract is one of Russian Women’s dearest beliefs, and it often works (especially if quoted :). More insights into Russian people in that landmark novel

West is the land of Struggle, Eastern Europe is the land of Giving. So, a Russian Woman would feel happy not for her wresting something from her man, but for him giving it to her as of his own good will and love. Sure it makes a man feel happier to be a generous giver rather than a blamed victim! In order to not spend her life awaiting favours from Chance, a Russian Woman learns quite an inventory of incentive tricks, - Pleasing Him In Every Way being the principal strategy of motivating Him to do the same to Her.

Overloved? With Russian Women, it is possible! Many Slavic Women sacrifice too much, which makes their men’s love “die of surfeit”. Hard to imagine this in the modern West, - yet in “Russia” it’s a beaten-track scenario! First it makes the man disinterested (if she loves me regardless of what I do or do not do to her, why bother be good); then guilty (feeling idle and perceiving her untold frustration, as she overstrains yet thinks she hasn’t been good enough to be rewarded); then deprived of his male vital freedom and initiative. As the woman has assumed the role of Mother to her man, it’s time when he cuts off the cord. As the Man is born a Hunter / Conqueror, it’s time when he is urged to chase another woman.

I knew that long before that I read similar observations by John Gray consulting “old-time” American “Men from Mars, Women from Venus”.

Remedy? Spare her, even coercively, retain charge, and try to outspoil her spoiling you! As for her tacit expectations, watch her free “Mind-Reading master-classes” as she explores your tastes, analyzes your habits, and taps your likes and wishes out. Good news to men who find this skill unmanageable: sincere inquiring into what she wants works fine.

3. “A Russian Lady Doesn’t Complain” – “to save appearances”.

Facing some unpleasant or dissatisfying things, a Russian Woman would often pretend everything is all right. To persuade the Men she is not b’tching, and a pleasant one to stay with. To persuade the world she is not derogated, - ’cause if she is, “the others” would interpret it as her own failure and invalidity, and abuse would follow. To persuade herself she’s not unhappy.

To persuade the wrong-doer that he (she) is good. Even offended, a Russian Woman takes care of the offender’s feelings! Why? Because she tries to let this person free to change behavior “by good will”, not by force (see above). And because she knows that “people have most hatred for the ones whom they themselves have treated most meanly”. With all this, she wants to incite the offender’s remorse for Hurting Such a Saint and Helpless Woman.

“Why raise roof unless to mend it?” (© N.O. :) If her discontent is not likely to produce positive effect, a Russian Lady tends to keep the situation calm, following the Russian proverb: “Better ill peace than good fight”. Say, why reprimand the man she dislikes, if she expects not to deal with him anymore, or decides to stay platonic palls with? Or why bother a stranger complaining about life conditions not going to improve after this complaint?

On the other hand, Russian women like complaining to their significant others, - to feel their care, compassion, find advice and consolation. With this habit (common among Russian men as well), Russian friends can serve nearly perfect psychoanalysts to each other.

Caution: Turn the deaf ear to okays if there are notes of cold or self-abandonment in her tone and face expression. Take her observations as hints and hints as requests. The most annoying part of it is the Russian tradition of triple offer and refuse of help.

(A copy-book example: your Russian girlfriend asks if you are hungry twice more after your first “No”; if she has asked it once, it might be hinting at her own appetite; yet, if so, she declines your offer of a treat two times before consenting… or gets sulky if you gave up on this offer after the first attempt “as if with relief”. Another common case is her heroical struggle with heavy things, with no word uttered, yet the entire body featuring a Fragile Fairy or a Handsome African. Russian Men who happen to ignore the message are condemned.)

• The Dark Side: “Still Water Runs Deep”

Slavic Women’s humility is elusive. Beside the aforesaid motives, it can conceal aggression, or present manipulation. Revealed here

A woman is a tremendous power. Double it, if it’s a Russian woman. Quadruple it, if it’s a Dissatisfied Russian Woman. Did you know the backgrounds of the Great October Socialist Revolution of 1917? It was ushered in by the February Bourgeous Revolution, which was kindled by women’s mass revolt (quite a typical event in Russia) against the shortage of foodstuff, which revolt was taken up by soldiers.

A Dissatisfied Russian Woman may behave like an Italian comedy / drama queen, in minor troubles; when she faces major troubles, or just feels not looked after in a way best possible, her character deteriorates slowly yet steadily in a peculiar Russian style.

The “simple girl way” has been generating endless folklores on the antisex headaches, unbearable nagging, sophisticated sabotage etc. etc., crowned with a monumental image of a sleepless wife to welcome her husband from the town with a rolling pin atilt (”And you my honey are still baking,” - he attempts to doubt the imminent execution).

Higher-class reaction claims analogy from French culture, being Russian gentlepeople’s long-time favorite. “We forgive to the extent that we love”, - François de La Rochefoucald said. This immediately suggests the image of Balzac’s shagreen, a talisman skin shrinking slightly with each use, till there is nothing left. As grievance draws on love, it converts love’s delicacy into hostile estrangement, which usually results in a more or less civilized divorce.

Thus, a Dissatisfied Russian Woman’s placid look means that she takes her time (1) to cool down, (2) to evaluate the situation, (3) to adapt to circumstances or to adapt the circumstances to her needs in an organic way…

yet if her discontent outgrows the critical point, then KABOOM!!!!!

Take care,

© Comrade Natalia

(…please link to this page when using some information from it! ;)

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