The word-of-mouth repute of Russian Wife™ unique “consumer benefits” attract or bring out some traits in men, which Russian Women can’t bear, and strive to exclude. This is a big yet still surprising reason why Western Men and “brides” from Eastern Europe, seeking a true match, succeed so scarcely in a long time, and why so many international marriages fail early.
(Green Card hunters? Yep there are many. But suppose you want a woman of sound mind, why would she take the man just for dumping him and going on her own in an alien country – while she can wait and find a good man to love, and have all the happinesses for ever? Anti-fraud: here)
See the Top Black List gallery of male types on the international dating fair that Russian Women most frequently meet… and most aversely avoid, without even letting know what’s happened (out of a traditional, heart-felt and learnt “why-spite-a-cripple” attitude).
Do our visions of “norm” and sense of “realistic” differ?
To prove unbiased, I respectfully give an opening word to GL, an American Man in Siberia, who blogs to promote steady Russian marriages (my “Comrades” link).
“I’ve seen some shocking transitions in some women who seem happily supportive one day about promoting more unions between Russian Women and Western Men… and then just a short time later want to completely slam the door on it and burn the house down. [...]
there is clearly a big “shame” component involved since all women naturally want to believe that their Man is the best… and when the realization hits that maybe this isn’t the case then they either face the truth and deal with it… or they start pointing fingers and pouring the gas on the floor.”
* From http://russianwomen.wordpress.com/2006/09/28/you-are-a-commodity/ where one can find a masterly layout of the general perspective.
The sketches I’m presenting now are all taken from real life. Characters were found in Western Men’s blogs, my own online dating correspondence, and Russian Women International forums (that traditional Girls’ Privy Council…)
Speaking realism: Western men view Russian women as Sorayama’s models. And to us girls, the multiplied portraits of the Western Men of the manners shown below, look Dali’s insane deformity and Goya’s nightmares, – each enough to make a Russian bride a runaway one. Yet often some of such traits go together in a very consistent image!
Cultural differences? Maybe… We find some American Men’s loudest accusations of American Women’s Selfishness™ just a projection of the same in Men… which is incongruous with the Generous Russian Soul ™.
Now whereas more and more Russian Men grow versatile, combining traditionally-Russian passion and sacrifice with originally-Western values of practicism and open mind, – we face more and more Western men rebounding to the rigid ruts of wildest Russian rustic fashion, with irrational rage.
* Miss Faithful vs. Mr. Chastity Belt
Why needn’t have jealousy for a Russian Woman
* Miss Homemaker-Selfless vs. Sir K. III Domostroy
Russian Women attend to the attentive, and revolt against “slave masters”
* Miss Unconditional vs. Mr. Cheap N. Deal
“One who claims nothing, needs it all” (from a Russian fave “Western” comedy)
* Miss Hot vs. Mr. Sex
Sexy Russian Women eliminate “Sex Tourists”, “Perverts” and “Solicitous”
* Miss Heart vs. Mr. Lonely Crowd-o’-Buddies
No sound Russian woman as a pen pal or a Sister of Mercy* Miss Real Serious vs. Mr. Lovemaker Paranoid
Translated from a blacklist forum of Russian Brides, topic: “Bad Gut Feelings or Over-caution?” – A neat little quiz for smart boys: “Who Finds More Mistakes”!
“He constantly accuses me of something. Ten times called me a “lady of few words”, cold to him, not romantic, materialistic, unappreciative, high-demanding. Throws storms if I don’t go into details of Our Future Life, Our Wonderful Relationship, Romantic Dates etc. Makes incessant insinuations that I don’t treat him seriously, want to deceive or use him, that no one would give me such a chance as he does, and so on. And this is after only one 2-hours’ meeting! I didn’t give him any promise, even sent him a mobile text message that he’s not my type, good luck! He held me with his unabated persistence lasting for three months. I thought I’d rather give him a second chance, have a second glance and make up my mind. But the latest two weeks just knocked me down. One letter: “darling, kisses”, all that lip-service. Next letter: “Why haven’t you received a confirmation? You had to do it earlier!” When I mentioned that I like dancing, he went tantrums: “Clubs are places where people go for sex only!” I’m afraid of his inadequate reactions to my refusal, but won’t play a nice girl just to have the scheduled time spent, after so much of his playing on my nerves, if it goes on.”
“God, it’s only the blossom, what fruits turn up next? Too many bugs per head, aren’t there? What are you thinking, maiden? Get away while you are safe!”
“I’ve been e-dating this [**** ******] just recently. Sexual innuendos in every message!”
“You bet. This very guy invited me to Egypt for a dating holiday just yesterday, but won’t ever be going to provide a single hotel room for me.”
“I’m endorsing every word above. Assumptions, paranoid accusations, tantrums, Egypt “test drive”, dumbness, jealousy. Anyone to call me “darling” one more time would make me queasy.”
“Wow how many mutual acquaintances. I’ve known him since three years ago, with all the patterns mentioned. It’s been a year I stopped communicating with him.”
“A Clinical Case. Any Kind Illusions?”
Why swap Russian Men for Western Men, you might ask?
We give all our admiration to Men who would be Men wherever (alas, a Red-book species in our authentic ecosystem). The point is, that we wish both Men and Women together a comfortable life. And the Former Soviet Union society has been an environment so unfit for being a Real Woman – more unfit only for being a Real Man.
What does it mean? Why it takes place? How we manage opportunities and threats at our homelands and overseas? This is yet to be explained specifically)
Mr. Right enjoy yourself, and see we are all here for you!
Sincerely,
© Comrade Natalia
(…please link to this page when using some information from it! ;)
*********
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November 6, 2007 at 4:46 pm
I don’t care if all other North American men take Russian Brides, that would leave all the glorious independant Western ladies for me to choose from. I have a small website I’m working on in praise of North American Brides and in defence of the critisizm spewed forth by Eastern European women and the men that seek them out…
November 6, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Hi Rich Turser,
I’ve read your site and I would undersign all your definitions of strength, independence and “low shit-tolerance” on behalf of Russian and Ukrainian women – at least those I know and defend, struggling against the stream of “mail-order-brides” propaganda.
You picked a right page on my blog to link with. May all those “meat market agencies” around the Web trade low-estimated “pigs” and low-self-esteem “chops” to each other for quick money. “Ugly husbands” would see their “slipper-fetchers” dump them just upon receiving Green Cards (or earlier on the grounds of Domestic Violence).
And I’ll enjoy my harder-earned reward for matching “women who feel good about themselves” with whom “they WANT to be, NOT because they NEED to be”. Insecurity is a liability, that undermines a merger. “Bustier busteresses” and “chauvinists” are not my clients. They won’t pass our selection process, if ever be as careless as to apply.
“Whatever is well said by another is mine” (Seneca), so hope you won’t sue me for plagiary.
I would sooner like to sue ill birds that foul their nests, cultivating images that you deride.
So here I swear by my “Russian Soul”:
* My fellow women “have a low tolerance for men who not only want a wife but a maid, slave, and basically a mother… to an adult who behaves like an infant“.
* My fellow women “are considerate and dependable when their spouses behave in a considerate and dependable manner.” Enjoyed your sketch about the morning after booze and perfume. How about carefully unpacking hubby’s secret Tuxedo dotted condoms to spice them with pepper on both sides? (Ambulance’s anecdote.)
* My fellow women “will enter into a relationship as a 50/50 partnership and if that evolves into something not quite so balanced, then one will stand up to her spouse and demand fairness.”
* My fellow women are taught and polished to carry “Goddesses” inside themselves, but “very few are so arrogant as to believe such a thing” literally.
* My fellow women speak up their minds - diplomatically or not. Relationships are made of communications.
* My fellow women would only marry men whom they would love. Living their own lives, “coping with everything” (including careers, plus, for some, raising children of marriages they’ve themselves burst out) – and coming up to worthy opportunities (home or abroad) – that’s what they call “search process”as an antonym to being stuck in a wrong relationship (home or abroad). Otherwise they would all have been married now.
This is only why they make the world their oyster, rather than limit their choice to the local pool. And if one dares not treat them by Western standards, there grow more and more Russian men who do.
BTW the demographical gap here starts opening past the traditional marriageable age. I’m tired to mention it.
November 6, 2007 at 7:09 pm
those comments are interesting to me, as I have a few Russian friends here in Canada. When I ask them what they think of your strong, independent womyn, their answer is always the same, no matter who I ask. “Your womyn act like men. They walk like mem, talk like men, dress like men, and think like men. They are insecure because they still have the innate desires of a woman, but are conditioned to be men. That creates great inner conflict inside the womyn.”
A Russian phycology student I know compared a womyn’s split personality to that of a serial killer. It’s very kind and gentle one day, and is raging and tearing things liked and loved apart the next, and no one knows the trigger.
Interestingly enough, when I ask a Russian girl how much is too much for her husband to ask of her, she replies that it’s her husband’s responsibility to not ask anything of her that will cause her harm or grief.
The majority of Russian girls will not settle for a husband that they feel wouldn’t be a good father.
Rich, another thing about western womyn: Studies have shown that women that wait till they’re in their 30’s to have children have a much higher rate of breast (and also if I remember right ovarian) cancer. So, to me, that’s just another instance of them trying not to be real women, and trying to escape the consequences.
Anyways, Rich, you can have my western share. I want better for myself.
Would you care to comment Aunt Natalia??
November 6, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Wolverine, I’m allright about Western women (normal women), and gave enough of my opinion about “womyn”. )
As for late motherhood, the current generation of Russian brides would prefer to enjoy their own lives for some time first (single life, then married life), and make sure that the new person whom they’d bring into the world would find it comfortable. (I’m speaking about aware ones, not the notorious 12-year-old knockups.)
Yet even those girls who can’t imagine themselves mothers at all, grow to awarely welcome this role on their agenda by the age of 30.
They also know that “critical age” precipitates complicated pregnancy and delivery, and increases health risks for the mother and the child. 30 is universally reckoned as “critical age” (though deadline is lately deferred till 34, due to modern world’s success in healthcare).
On the other hand, late childbearing (first as well as second, maybe third) is known for rejuvenating and particularly anti-cancer effect. Certain oral contraceptives spare eggs from deterioration through numbers, and prevent cancers as well. The most important deal, thus, is to avoid abortions and STD’s.
December 16, 2007 at 5:13 am
very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
Idetrorce
Natalia: This is a forum for informative discussion. Expanded opinions are welcome and encouraged! Please specify what you disagree with, if you wish to speak up.
March 8, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I find all of this very interesting as an American woman who has had relationships with Russian men (which I broke off). I don’t believe in generalizations of the kind your industry relies upon. Also, I’ve encountered several Russian brides in the States who are miserable with their American husbands… Some of whom are abusive. Sometimes, there is no way to catch these things beforehand. Abusive men are great at putting up a nice facade (something Westerners are criticized for in Russia)… And by the time it is discovered, it is too late.
The best solution seems to be marrying a rich oligarch and having a handsome young lover… Like in old times… LOL
March 9, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Welcome join me in combating generalizations. )
Oligarchs are not at all a path of roses… fervent, airtight and ruthless control against their wives’ having lovers being the least of the troubles with rich Russian men (just wait for the special post!)
May 26, 2008 at 11:08 am
Interesting, and by accident I came across your site.
Being a Westerner, I never quite understood why Western men NOW (of the new generations) are so wrapped up internally in either wanting to “own” a female for marriage, or consider money (e.g., “economic buying power”) even remotely close to actual happiness (in Marriage, Family, Life).
All I can say is, Ladies, some of us Southerners in the good old USA still go by the old ways here, where life is about MORE than an American Dollar bill, and how little of them it will take to buy a good gal who happens to be Russian.
Please, remember the context of the Internet, and generally self-righteous, self-centered, and massively greedy/pathetic Americans are not at all……ALL of us men.
No indeed. You ask me (a man from Oklahoma) to please not view you in the “mythical” Russian terms, I ask you to do the same, in the world view of “stupid and greedy LA/New York-Amerikana”.
You will find that a lot of the men that you have to deal with online, lack in many areas including intelligence, but lack NOT for money, which does NOT make a REAL man. But………America seems to unfortunately think that IS how you define a “real” man now. By his car, his bank account, his house-size………but NEVER by his morals, his honor, his devotion……….
Again, I am just a normal 33 year old man, who works his butt off (Oilfield), and it never ceases to amaze me about the “keyboard kowboys” that rule the roost in cyberspace, always loudly proclaiming their love for you, and at the same time griping about how much it costs.
(We have a southern term for this, pardon it, but it is true, we call these people either “friggin’ Yankees” meaning “stupid Northerners” (which is where this selfish thinking came from) or in general terms, we say they are “piss ignorant”. In other words, they are SO great, SO rich, SO all powerful, SO intelligent, that they have to hire a man to dig a straight ditch, but don’t have the common sense to use a shovel themselves:)
And to put it into perspective: That is exactly what the American women are like, and exactly why I have never been married, with no children. It is supposed to be about “us”, not about YOU, or THEMSELVES. So when someone says (I have read that before) about a Russian commenting about how American women are like men, in every way except physical gender: They are not far off.
It has been a slow, but gradual decline here, over the last 20 years or so, even friends I know have seen it for what it is……..
America is selfish now, greedy, disgusting, and falling apart socially. Do not think for a minute that had I the means, I would love to bring a Grazhdanin Parusskie (spelled wrong, “citizen russian”) over here to show them that (A) They are actually not so bad-off over there and (B) America isn’t all that and a bag of ‘tater chips.
To me it was never about WHICH country was better, only HOW our Countries were different. (The “cool” and “neat” differences, I have met a few of you, served in the military with them, you name it.)
One way is that American Society, and the people in it, now treat each other as “disposable”, exactly like their TV’s, and refrigerators, not to mention cars. And so goes the morals, the principles, the honor, and finally…….the families.
So from me to you, I hate to say it, but short of Old Mexico being the worst North American country to live in, none of you ladies are even remotely missing out on NOT being in America. Unless you like fake people, fake personalities, and living a life solely devoted to making money and showing it off.
Though, if you are self-centered, and massively greedy……….not only are you welcome to join us…….I will vote you as my Congressman.
No, that is not a joke either. And THAT is what is funny about America today…….
(Of course, this is a generalization, you know this, not everyone is like this……but slowly, more people ARE becoming like this. The “Hollywood” effect………..)
December 7, 2008 at 7:06 am
I found this website after researching more of Russian / Ukrainian cultures, and women. After reviewing your post and those who responded, I find myself with deeper understanding regarding relationships in the US, and why they suffer more and more every decade.
I am 36 year old man, who has been married, and sadly divorced by the simple measure that we were not meeting the “standard” American dream. To my former spouse, communications was not as important, nor common closeness sought, such as sharing in laughter, or taking some added rest.
No, what has happened in here, is the creation of thought that if you are not busy “doing” something, or “working” towards something to increase the wealth or establishment of things, then that “extra” time spent reading a book, or sitting at the park, taking in all the wonderful scenes of nature, were but an act of vanity, as it was not productive.
Coming from a stronger family sense, a pride in taking care of my wife, keeping things simple and trying not to complicate these processes, seem to grind against the modern woman of today in the US.
I have some friends and fellow acquaintances whom have met their equal in Ukraine and Russia over the past several years. Most of these marriages are to this day, are still very happy and loving. For those that are not, sadly it is because of the man being deceptive and controlling once they move the woman they promised to love and cherish, back to the US.
My true feelings on all this, there are many good men here who believe in traditional, loving and caring ways of life – even if they do not earn as much as the “Jones” (old saying of comparing yourself with your neighbors), they are a much happier when paired with a woman who values a man, whom treats the woman as a unity of the family.
I would like to think there is hope to let 2 different cultures, find a common point to come together and allow the good men and wonderful women in Ukraine / Russia to find one another and make loving marriage, relationship in the manner it was meant to be.
December 8, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Thank you for the input!
I would only confirm what great an investment into family life shared pastimes are.
A great deal of troubled Russian (Ukrainian) marriages have similar scenarios, – down the social ladder:
1) The husband is married to his business. With all its 24/7 challenges, social entertainments, partnerly familiarizing, and escapes beyond everything already afforded (too wild to include women, or at least decent women). A wife is a “status symbol”. So is a mistress. And a vice-mistress. A host of assistants count as stress vents. (The more libido, the more expansion businesswise and bedwise. Numbers don’t make a great lover, though: the women would do everything themselves and pledge admiration anyway. Add the impact of stress and complications, the first of them “me or my money?”) Though packed with houses, cars, furs, diamonds and services, the Incubator of Heirs very often doesn’t own a candy’s worth.
2) The husband works like a beaver to give more to his family. He can’t fathom reproaches that the family lacks himself. He seeks rest and reward in the company of friends and/or in his “own corner of the sky” – his hobby – or couching alone. Same if he works 9 to 5 or can’t provide for a sparrow. The less free time the wife has to nag about “time together”. BTW “the wife doesn’t understand me” is a proverbial advance to Another Woman.
3) Sofa-beer-newspaper-football vs. soap operas and phone gossip seem to be what folks get married for. And, I forget, there is a category of men who seek self-assertion in womanizing. :)
Even apart from third parties that fill the gap in the relations, it’s the more bitter to run into the same plot in an international marriage, and the more rewarding to weave the unity it should be.