How to Win a Beautiful Russian Woman: The Different Standard and the Art of Compliment

You find her hot and this fact is welcome in her culture. Shall you express utter admiration? Answer: No. When all the kin is bred beautiful, and smart, it’s a minefield playground!

That foreign worship of Slav looks is like Indians’ shock at White Man and his utensils. It is rather uncomfortable to be deified for what has been ordinary. On the other part, it’s rather miserable to take occasional scrap for treasures. And rather dangerous to drink “fire water” after generations of abstinence.

Or, like Europeans’ perception of Asians. Chinese, Japanese, Korean – “all with one yellow face”. In the case of Slavic girls: Plain, Princess, Wicked Witch – “wow she is beautiful”. Is she so insignificant? Or is he so desperately indiscriminate, as if a street stray kid at the sight of candies?

OK, OK, assume you are seeing This Very Woman and no other in the world. Still, more than in the lover’s, Beauty lies in the eyes of its bearer and her living environment. And the Former Soviet Union is the land of Different Beauty Standards! So, are you sure you are operating with same notions?

The truth is: to fulfil its function of pleasant recognition, a praise must be (1) adequate to (2) the addressee’s perception of (3) what SHE finds unique, essential, really important about herself, (4) what others may be leaving unnoticed, but (5) what isn’t so natural that it goes without saying. Otherwise, discrepancies occur.

- If she is used to be identified as a “normal” woman (gorgeous as she ought to be), what’s the use of calling a dolphin a dolphin, and praising its ability to swim as gracefully as any healthy dolphin does?

- If she never dared to think of herself above “fair” (in the face of all the “model” beauties around, being taken for granted by the local menfolk), and you sing hosanna to her looks, it may sound like saying “dolphin” on a beluga. Remember she isn’t fully aware that she “could be a model” in your area, even if she’s heard that Hollywood is the only Western reservation of beautiful folks, seen some magazine pics before Photoshop, and horror shots of average enema-shaped Americans! So she’s getting a wrong impression as if you were “blind”, “wild”, “deprived”, or mistaking her for a “wretched booby” that would buy into crass flattery. But we can’t all be dolphins, and a regular beluga is quite comfortable in its own beauty and taste.

- If she is bearing the crown of Miss Stunning, she’s sooo tired of being judged by it, and being pursued by shallow males. Watching the curves and curvets of dolphins, do you remember they are a tribe as brainy as people, if sometimes even more generous?

Oops. Intelligence is a sort of “natural” thing with our women, too. It’s rather embarrassing for a Russian ear to hear “thinker” as a wow-word, especially knowing that in English grammar it just means “person who thinks”. I’ve always perceived mindwork as a normal human function, needless to be papped at in a same manner like “oh baby has li’l fingers, oh baby has eaten so well” (even babies are born sensible enough to discern the affectation of “special treatment” assumed by the grown-ups, which experience I remember pretty vividly). One nuisance is the background of Russian male stereotype of not expecting much thinking from a female, and hilariously gasping as if the guy hears a picture talk. Another is the cultural shock when a contemporary and refined American or British man explains that Thinking Into Things is So Unusual among his fellow folks. So this is where the “progressive Western society” has arrived? Where is my “Crabbed Old Aunt” hat? (Sure I’ll give some advice what to do with that “Intel inside”.)

- And hope you don’t run into a challenged esteem case (a dolphin disabled by injuries and doubts, or a haunting cowfish, or an over-treated circus prima dolphin… or a neat graceful shark. Spoiled and/or predatory beauties are quite a numerous species nowadays, most recognizable they are by tomorrow’s fashion brand skins.)

Fortunately, with all this variety, recommendations are the same!

* The less praised she has been, the more she longs for approval, and vice versa.

* NEVER ACT WHAT YOU DON’T TRULY FEEL! Should she sense any exaggeration, flattery or exaltation, and you are doomed. Accentuated joviality is perceived as immature or hypocritical when affected in the American manner, and superficial if bursting out in the Italo-Hispanic style.

* Courting a Russian woman, you perform the primeval male program of showing dominating power, needed to conceive and protect viable cubs, and readiness to submit, needed to stay and do the fathering at least till they grow (but we prefer to hold our heros for the lifetime). By the link from the post on “Seduction” stunts, you could refresh the sociobiological ideas of “survival vs. reproduction value ranking” conducted subconsciously by potential mates. Too little confidence (“trying too hard”), and your power rank drops. Too much pressure, and you’re “too unreliable”.

Farther above the animal level, Strength is testified when you demonstrate your own virtues, and Care is tested by taking interest in hers. Both sets of assets should be balanced like in contemporary bookkeeping, so that no one of the couple feels negative about bringing too much or too little to the table. Display too much humility, and “she’s too good for you”. Too much disregard, and you’re an “ego blister” anxious not to spill – and your power rank drops again: ‘cause genuine power is too abundant to be diminished by recognizing other people as important.

What a Russian woman learns in life, is that Man loves to boast (especially to the woman of his interest), and her responsibility for his passion is to encourage it (in a friendly yet reserved manner, lest he could suspect her of hunting). So the first part of the task is easy. What’s left is to prove that the Impressive Mighty You are charmed by the Wonderful Special Her… by the most part of you, NOT yet head-over-heals (otherwise she won’t believe in your trustworthiness.)

By the “most part”, I don’t mean the heart (too early for that), nor the other big item that always speaks before being asked… According to Russian female folklore, “the most important and exciting male organ, 4 letters” is MIND.

How can all this be displayed?

Acknowledging and enjoying all aspects of her unique inner self, OTHER than the looks.

1. Focus your attention at details. See, hear, remember, act accordingly. Allude to ideas, jokes, quotes, images she likes. Notice change (all their parades are meant for you guys!)

Change is women’s dearest topic for compliments. And details are the safest: to let you surprise an aware beauty, not to embarrass a shy one, and to strike any. For example, in terms of those Looks that you still can’t omit, it’s not often that people single out others’ ears / ankles / hands / necks / lashes / laughters / tones / choices / gaits etc. even if they are most perfect in the world. Complimenting something like this is a “disruption of stale patterns” that delivers a sense of something special and intimate going on (so, be discreet. ;)

2. Communicate. When she speaks, demonstrate understanding and compassion. Non-verbally, unless words can tell or ask for something new. Too much phrases and sounds of formal courtesy are not organic in our culture.

When she doesn’t speak, and there might be a significant topic, she might be willing to get it voiced, but takes care not to overwhelm, and to let the Man exercise initiative as he is expected to.

3. Appraise her actions. It is more like the principle of noticing Details & Change, and less like flattery. And, more importantly, actions are traditionally the male domain. There’s no compliment more valuable than “HIS” recognition of our competence from a man’s perspective. There’s no intimacy like being let into the “big boys’ world”. Especially for a Beautiful Russian Woman, perennially proclaimed to be just a frivolous decoration. (Caution: telling that she’s done something “like a man” may sound offensive, – many our women are comfortable in their femininity and believe in universal human measures of competence.)

People are more proud of what has taken their effort. “You’re so beautiful, you’re popular with men, why study so hard (achieve something in work)?” Strange question. Beauty’s what she’s got. Like so many other women. No need to struggle with doubts in being sexually attractive and a good company. Time to give a good training to the mind.

4. Filter compliments: the more superb she is, the less and subtler they should be. Camouflage evaluations into casual observations, just be cautious with trivialities (like “you’re too young to remember it”, “ladies of beauty get it easy” etc.), and don’t say “smart” each time you want to say “hot”. (This juxtaposition has bred so many jokes about “Great Mind Rocking As She Steps”, or “Saying She’s Intelligent Means Ugly”). A winning wording is about your feeling of refreshment, challenge, creativity, etc. when you talk with her. We seek to be Great Men’s Inspirers, and we understand it takes a special woman to be one, – lovely and bright. Thus you are stroking all the right strings.

She may turn out most proud of being something particular – funny, or cozy, or crazy. (Make sure she understands “funny” as “fun to be with” or “good humorist”, and “crazy” as a unique “adventure” or “riddle” type, not “clownish”or “loony” in a basic Russian translation.) What does she want to be remembered by? Find it out, bring it out, stand out – in a time and way that won’t remind her of your inquiry that preceded the expression of admiration.

5. Be critical and objective. Inside your mind, try to compare her with other women that surround her, with photo models, with movie stars, with most beautiful women of all times and nations. If she’s truly on the par, bite your tongue, split wood, but treat her as if she were an average person: she lacks it in her life. No admiration (for anything), so that not to let her suspect you of shallowness, sexual soliciting or “being like all those loony kids”. No coldness, cynicism or negligence, – she’s seen enough from guys who dared approach her despite their wild fear of rejection, and tried to compensate themselves at her account.

Now you are positioning yourself as her peer, not fan, or even as an expert (= man strong and on top. ;). And after you’ve spent more time learning her, – as her true friend. Life stories and scientific experiments prove that Extremely Beautiful Individuals grow most interested in people who gave them the rare and challenging treat of initial coldness and later warming up, as first impressions have given way to personal discoveries and respect that proved deserved.

On the other hand, as time goes, people get used to partners, their feelings and gestures. Mother Nature lets the heart (or, more correctly, the nervous and hormonal system) grow hardened against the specific stimuli, not to let us die of incessant excitement. Thus, it is taking more and more intensive stimulation to get through! And what if you’ve started with the highest pitch? Decrease of appreciation hurts unbearably! Saddle slow, ride fast.

And when she says or does something to please YOU, show her she’s succeeded!

Good luck,

© Comrade Natalia

(…remember to link this page when using some info from here! ;)