So different by styles, habits and characters, so alike by dreaming of love’s bliss… Here’s a gallery of most vivid female types – and their potential husbands. Call it a set of caricatures that street artists have been fudging anyplace and anytime, changing only markers, – but so far as this article is published in urban reading, let its author refrain from remorse.
- “Porcelain Doll”
This girl is centered on her looks. Makeup, gym, beautician, tanning salon, jogging about boutiques – here’s the core range of her occupations. 90-60-90 – the vital dimension of her goal in life. Glossy zines’ commandments – the guiding star and thread of her life course. She faithfully believes this mascara shall make her lashes 5 times longer, and this lipstick is destined to pump her lips. She’ll buy exactly the same perfume that a women’s magazine of authority has proclaimed the hit of the season. Sometimes she reads books, too, if they touch upon the world of fashion.
Her hero
A guy in lacerated denim, careless about fashion trends, and living by the principle: “all that’s cool is me”. She’s just magnetized by “bad boys”.
- “Miss Sexy”
This girl is 200 % confident of being irresistible. Rationales like “tastes differ” don’t fly with her. She has an exact vision of What Real Beauty Is. Occasionally she may flip through a glossy, but doesn’t hurry to agree with fashion experts. She’s got her own idols to trace every gesture of: Marilyn Monroe, Gina Lollobrigida in “Fanfan the Tulip”, or the like. Beauty is sex appeal, period.
Her hero
Surprisingly, she chooses marriage to an unimpressive subject. It’s him, – not that beau concerned but with his own looks, – who has stood two hours in the rain waiting for her on a date. It’s him who traveled across the city to bring sacks of fruits, when she was in bed with flu. It’s him who was guarding at the dentist’s door while she was getting dental surgery. And above all, it’s him still staring at her in awe, and showering her with new compliments.
- “Little (W)itch”
This girl’s trademark style is sorting out relationships, from shriek stage to crashing dishes; vitriolic comments on occasion and without; permanent dissatisfaction with the world around. There’s no keener critic of dresses on the movie stars parading along the red carpet of some festival. And her demand of snowdrops on a January night appears absolutely legitimate: “after all, she’s a woman so she can have little weaknesses”.
Her hero
This is an exception to the rule of opposites – she is attracted to men of similar temperament. If such a couple starts a discussion, it’s like a contest “who outshouts” or “who bangs the door louder”. His response to her demand of spring flowers in the frosty night is to courteously help her with her fur coat: “You go, girl!” No new know-hows since Shakespeare’s manual “The Taming of the Shrew”.
- “Femme Fatale”
The Vamp Woman’s vocabulary lacks the word “impertinent”. She’s not going to wait till the man condescends to make the first step. She’ll take it herself (by making him do it), provided she feels like spending time and effort on this candidate. After she has drained one heart, she’s out on the search of another. She cares about a man as long as he is unaware that she is one most exceptional and irresistible woman in the world. As soon as he is initiated to the fact, she loses interest.
Her hero
He would court her patiently and faithfully, regardless of his friends’ remonstrances to quit the quest. One magic moment, his watch duty by her windows, packs of messages, and daily bunches of flowers would work out. And instead of the customary “you are not my type”, he would hear the promising “maybe we could dine together tonight”.
- “Mammoth Hunter”
She lives for one great goal – Successful Marriage. For this goal she would be killing herself in the gym for hours, monitoring fashion trends, developing her IQ, investigating the Targets inside out. Would be shelling out her money on big-name clubs and restaurants, to acquire important acquaintances. Would be calculating, estimating and balancing, till she finds the “all-included” variant.
Her hero
His psychological portrait is predictable: a well-to-do businessman with all ensuing consequences, dreaming of quiet life without social gatherings.
- “Cluck Hen”
Taking her out is almost impossible. When at a restaurant or café, she would criticize all courses, assuring that she cooks much better. Indeed, kitchen is her kingdom, as well as the rest of the home space. Dawn till dusk she would be frying, steaming, washing, cleaning, shopping for food, arranging and improving – all this without duress, but for love of the art. Hiring a helper? No way! She won’t let a stranger touch a thing. Reading? Detective stories and mass media are her source of culinary recipes and tips like “How to Give a Second Life to an Old Carpet”.
Her Hero
He’s had enough bachelor life and can appreciate the pluses of marital household. Close relatives’ incessant nagging, “When are you going to settle at last? Father and I, for 40 years, soul to soul…” once take effect. He would love the fact that home is hot dinner and clean shirts, and that the duty to drag oneself out for another date is no longer pending.
- “Mother Eternal”
She perceives men as children – only of more height and with toy cars bigger than those they were addicted to at the age of 5. She can hammer in a nail, fix a faucet, allocate family budget and rearrange furniture. In the morning she would always check the symmetry of her man’s tie knot, at noon she would inquire whether honey has had his lunch.
Her hero
An accomplished Mommy’s Son, transferred hands-to-hands from his no less devoted mother. He’ll suffer no doubt in his male self-esteem, when delegating all family duties upon his wife, and settling in the role of a permanently disgruntled child.
- “Intellectual Elite”
She’s something like a philologist majoring at the medieval period of Japanese poetry. Intelligence is her priority value. She’s reading everywhere: in the subway, at the home, at the breakfast, at the lunch. Always in the middle of the country’s cultural life, no exhibition or first night missed. To insult her in the gravest manner, invite her to a pop music concert. The majority of men, to her opinion, are not worth a glance, let alone a word.
Her hero
He hasn’t seen the latest Dali show, nor the new play staged by Serebryakov. He can’t discern cubism from surrealism. But she would struggle for his cultural advancement: take him to theaters, provide him with necessary books. The “hopeless savage” is a virgin field for the cause of enlightenment.
- “Iron Feminist”
This woman knows for sure that all female misfortunes are owed to men. And so she would instruct her daughter of a divorce. Her motto is – “All by myself”: opens the door by herself, puts on the coat by herself, fixes the car amid the road all by herself. If one of the “vicious species” sticks in with his help, he’ll get at least a lecture on equal rights. She can oppose to “sexual harassment” herself, without resorting to the police – anecdotally ignorant, thoroughly corrupt, and mostly staffed by guess-what gender.
Her hero
One she used to deem extinct or mythological: the he-man who’s there on a rainy day. When she’s finally tired of ranting that “a woman is a human being, too”, as well as doing everything by herself, she would be more open to accept an offer of helping her with heavy bags – and prepared to realize that a man is a human being, too.
- “Sweet Baby”
Here’s the full menu: whims, huffs, tears, canceled phonecalls, accidents from a broken nail to a broken bumper. She’s afraid of horror movies and of staying home alone at nights. Believes that Santa Claus lives in Lapland, and that shampoos can boost hair volume. May want a living horse now, then burst into smiles and kisses for a teddy, being already overwhelmed with the next minute’s idea to go skating in the frost.
Her hero
He’s strong, smart, and most of all – decisive. Always knows what to do, where to go on the weekend, where she has lost her passport she’s bid adieu two days ago. He remembers how many spoons of sugar she puts into her coffee and what she reads before her sleep. He forgives and allows her everything, buys sweets and soft toys. Bottom line, “his back is safe like a stone wall”.
Author: Xenia Ponomareva
Translator: Comrade Natalia
…to be continued…
March 13, 2008 at 11:47 am
Dearest Natalia, (sorry if that’s inappropriately familiar)
I haven’t been lurking here much lately so I should start with a belated “Happy Woman’s Day”. :)
I quite enjoyed this article of the different types of women. Due to my varied personality, my personal preference would consist of equal parts Mammoth Hunter, Cluck Hen and Sweet Baby, plus Intellectual Elite as seasoned with a dash of Little (W)itch, presented in the styling of Miss Sexy [I think a Porcelain Doll would be too high maintenance for my tastes].
More honestly, considering variety is the spice of life and all qualified by my experience going a few rounds with Canadian locals, I would rather have one of each. In my experience, I find the feminine aspiration for “one and only” to be rather boring, even oppressive policy when mandated for an Alpha Male. A perfectly natural aspiration if I were a woman for sure. The only double standard I see is the result of men and women being inherently different. I don’t see this as inability to commit; I have a record of that. Other points considered are many hands make light work, an extension of natural sorority, and it’s kinder to have 20 children with 4 women than with one.
My Personality Style is considered to be ISTJ, a stereotypical Pisces Horse – even keeled and noble; leading, guiding and overseeing the herd from behind; ready to take one in the back – emulating in a way “To love each other mean not to look into each other eyes, but to look in the same direction” as written by a charming lady from Bryansk.
I quite enjoy reading yours and GL’s blogs. I see your intended/stated perspective to highlight the dark side and emphasize due diligence while GL’s emphasizes the magnanimous nature of the good side (You do too but less so). If I interpret correctly, this represents a dichotomy, less so than “the truth is in the middle”. Either way, the good side, even if hyperbolized, is more than I ever imagined possible, and can still be overwhelming as I read about it. Approaching 30, I reflect on the mud puddle that was my life and I try to see the sky. I hear of a land where one can be free to be a Man, rather than becoming reclusive because the fight is getting old, and for what prize? Before reading here I had no grid by which I could truly recognize and appreciate the magnanimous FSU woman. The ability to appreciate finding this good must be that sky.
I hope that very soon I will be going to the Ukraine. If all I get from the trip is the opportunity to taste a wonderfully different life, it will be worth it. It could easily cost less than going on a pleasure cruise. If only they let me off the plane.
Many Blessings and keep up the good work.
Андреи
March 13, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Thank you and welcome, Andrey!
(I haven’t yet deserved to be “dearest”: it sounds affectionate))
Good news for you: women can be varied personalities, too, – especially FSU women (many profiles would start with the word “Multifaceted”, unless for fear of sounding commonplace). So you have good chances to be relieved of the burdens of herding a harem! ))
Only watch out that the more of a “hen”, the less of a “woman” and the closer to a “cow” (would take a post to explain).
Your knowledge of yourself is praiseworthy. Our matchmaking work in progress uses socionic criteria as well, compiled with plenty of other feature / values / temperament measurement systems. The point is to reinvent the “Procrustean bed” of hours-long or minute-wise tests into a comfy adjustable kingsize. ) That is, to describe unique personalities exhaustively but not exhaustingly, and to let them freely set each one’s own brackets of compatibility, rather than have a psy-wiz decide who is for whom (in-depth consulting, face-to-face, is for the stage of personal acquaintance and decisive choice). For instance, yours-truly is an ambivert with equal emphasis on logics and ethics, and, though evaluated as a leader, prefers the company of people who are leaders themselves. None of the sophisticated sites I’ve insidered allows custom fine tuning.
Your remark on the “location of truth” is very relevant here. The truth with every person and situation you face is always “in between” on plenty of dimensions, that, in addition, influence one another. (For new readers, the clue to the Russian reference riddle is here.) GL does great work promoting the sunny side, so I often have nothing to add but point at the shades, to complement the whole picture. Hope all these references would be bringing more and more connoisseurly enjoyment to your international experience!
Best of luck, Natalia
March 14, 2008 at 12:06 am
:D
Talk like this has invoked the eternal hatred of my sister-in-law and raised the hackles of preachers, among others. Only a few offer an understanding or even civil response.
A couple of points though.
“relieved of the burdens of herding a harem” – Uh…thanks, I appreciate the concern. :)
“the ‘Procrustean bed’ of most popular tests into a comfy adjustable double” – Oi, that’s quite the analogy. :) Would it be pedantic to ask the bed come in “King” size? Or just egomaniacal? ;)
Always a pleasure.
March 14, 2008 at 1:03 am
“As you make your bed…”
You know, I’ve observed several “alphas” that generate and emit so much resource, energetic and material, that it would make difficult for a woman to feel one inch angry of sharing with others. Much more frequent, though, are “wannabes” whose preaching and practice of polygamy trigger nausea in the audience. Wherever “in between”, a Western man should know that he’ll have to compete with hoards of males of the kind here, and it’s from them that Russian women are longing to escape. So managing one’s instincts makes the winner. Nothing turns a woman on more than a “tame lion”… Hope dies last. )
March 14, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Good morning, I see a few tweaks. :)
“it sounds affectionate”
Yes, my bad; must exercise being tactful with occasional bouts of admiration. I should know better. :(
More hen = less woman –> more cow; lol, I hear you. Similarly, more Baby = less endearing, “strong enough to be weak” woman –> closer to emotionally draining drama queen? ugh
To your last I seem to have a different opinion. Actually, it’s probably just a different perspective stemming from a different cultural framework; accented by personal bias.
On the rare occasion I broach the subject, I find negative reactions coincide with personal insecurity, such as admitted trust issues or the preacher who says “I can’t preach this option, I won’t be popular”. It may also be the fact this clearly tells a woman I have no desire to recognize her as a goddess, or engage in any goddess worship of her [being different from courtesy and chivalry]. Some opposition is simply dogmatic apologetics.
I have trouble recalling being around an “alpha” as you describe. The few I suspect project, and apparently adhere to, the culturally acceptable image of “one woman man” so are under my radar in context of “sharing”.
I agree there are more annoying “wannabes” than real. To me the wannabe is the libertine: the bar star; or preacher, politician or musician who is dishonourable and breaks his exclusivity agreement with his wife. My response to the libertine enshrines “some believe themselves free because they act without restraint; the truly free govern themselves”.
This brings to mind a genetic survey of chimpanzees I read about some time ago. Apparently the alpha male of a group fathers few of the offspring because, while he is busy defending his position, the females engage in illicit, uncommitted relations with the wannabes. I propose that while the wannabe “pick-up artist” mimics many of the phenotypes of the alpha, he falls short in the genotype of the leader’s true strength, character and commitment.
Maybe I’m projecting here so alternatively, if the libertine is actually a form of alpha and not a wannabe chimp, I feel it’s an awful waste of talent. If I present myself as a “wannabe”, I hope it’s because I’m like the stunted pine of mountain and desert who “wants to be” a “real tree”, and am making the effort to develop my good potential. Or maybe it’s simply that I’m “so much cooler offline”. :D
As a temperamental red-head I have had a lot of lion to tame; I understand what you are saying here. If only I were into casual relations. Ha!
Sorry, the meaning behind “Hope dies last” here is lost to me in translation. :s
Blessings, Natalia, and it’s always a pleasure. :)
March 15, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Thank you for the contribution, Andrey!
For “Hope is the last to die” (maybe so?) I found an English equivalent “hope springs eternal”. In this context, I meant a woman’s background hope that it’s she with whom the roamer would settle. “Being so wonderful as to tame the lion”. To every gender, its own ambitions. ) Only that some roamers would never settle, and some women would never realize it, adding new scores to Casanovas’ CVs. One more explanation to “Why Chase Bad Boys” phenomenon )
P.S. There’s a favorite Russian movie after Lope de Vega, which gives a quote: “Nobody can offend with love”. ) When one sounds more excited than expected, it just can misrepresent him: “too serious” or “too inserious”.)
March 16, 2008 at 2:20 am
I just came across something that reinforces my perspective that the “bad boy” isn’t likely the “alpha” as accorded him by popular wisdom. I realize I virtually debase myself by using this citation, but the following lines are telling:
“One study measured testosterone levels in three different groups of prison inmates. One group was considered to be the “socially dominant” (i.e. alpha) group. These men were unaggressive and in prison for non-violent crimes. The second group, the “chronically aggressive” (i.e. bad boy) group, were imprisoned for violent crimes and continued to show aggressive behavior while in prison. The third group was neither dominant nor aggressive.”
The first two groups had comparably higher levels over the third.
“Being so wonderful as to tame the lion”…Ah yes of course…MMmmmmm :) Sounds wonderful. One must take care not to kill such the hope of another. ;) Nor make a mere “score” of such a heart.
Until next time.
March 17, 2008 at 12:20 am
Goodness Gracious! What a clear-cut must-read link to human self-awareness, with prompt summary of the survey’s insights. Thanks a lot.
It falls well with Russian and Ukrainian andrologists’ panic over the continuing decline of local testosterone levels, which our women are observing as “Extinction of Real Men”.
Genuine leaders know how to manage their testosterone fuel.
“Machos” are possessed with asserting that They Have the Balls.
And we girls are responsible. There’s a smart Russian aphorism: “If it’s your fifth husband to punch your face, then the problem is not with the husbands but with the face.” )
Fortunately, Russian females are far from safe to be around when their progeny is threated, as the article posits. You sure know about their history of self-reliance, – that also let them embrace new freedoms calmly.
As for changes in female hormonal profiles, wait for the new post: “Fat Russian Sex Symbols and the Global Slimming”.
May 21, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Dear Comrade Nat,
Are we to see the continuation of this post soon?? Like sometime before Armageddon?;-)
You know that I know you are one busy lady.
Natalia: Not only this post, dear Fritz; I have much material in stock. Sorry for the temporary blogging inactivity, but I hope to come up with useful results in other directions soon.
June 1, 2008 at 12:58 pm
love it!!! :)